EPA On Verge of Profitability

Nixon’s legacy organization lives on. These days, the EPA is trying to prove that we cannot do anything differently with regard to harvesting hydrocarbons than we have in the past without destroying Gaia. While performing a test to prove a recent hypothesis  on fracking, the EPA stumbled across a bit of truth. Natural gas may be found under the earth’s surface:

Environmental Protection Agency Strikes Gas! That should have been the headline last week that instead ran as “EPA says fracking may be polluting groundwater.” Here’s the story: the EPA says tests it conducted in Pavillion, Wyoming “indicate that ground water in the aquifer contains compounds likely associated with gas production practices, including hydraulic fracturing.” However, it turns out that the EPA drilled two monitoring wells to some 900 feet – much deeper than water wells which are usually at about 300 feet – and indeed found hydrocarbons. In short, they drilled into the natural gas reservoir that has long attracted industry producers. It may the single most productive moment in EPA history.

No word on whether they have retained Haliburton to assist with exploiting this find.

NEA Wants to Give More Money It Does Not Have to South Dakota

Or something like that:

[National Endowment for the Arts Chairman] Landesman hopes his visit spurs more Dakotans’ interest in the NEA. The endowment’s most recent grants were announced Thursday when it awarded 863 of them worth $22.5 million to organizations and people in 47 states.

South Dakota and North Dakota are two of three states not on the list, along Nevada. Landesman says the endowment would like to have a stronger presence in the Dakotas.

Well, this taxpayer would like the NEA to continue to not have any presence in the state. I’ll spend my own money on the arts, thank you. I do not need you or your taxpayer-funded organization deciding winners and losers in the highly-subjective world of fine and not-so-fine arts.

You are welcome.

Palin Hates Trees

Well, what else am I supposed to take away from this article?

Alaska is poised to release more than 24,000 pages of emails sent and received by Sarah Palin during her time as governor, providing an inside look into her rise from obscurity to a spot on the national stage.

[…]

The state faced a Tuesday deadline for releasing the emails. It is working on the logistics of copying and shipping the documents to the growing list of requesters. [emphasis added]

Copying and shipping? Just how many people are requesting 24k pages each of these emails? Please tell me that by copying and shipping we mean setting up an FTP download site and emailing credentials to each of the requesters.

Otherwise, my original statement stands.

Forget BCPGV, How About WAYM?

PJ O’Rouke has a few thoughts on the primary source of violence in this country:

Because liberals are opposed to violence, which is very high-minded of them. Guns are a source of violence in America. Guns are not, however, the principal source. Young men are the principal source of violence in America. This is why it’s only a matter of time before liberals—being opposed to violence—propose young man control. This will entail:

• A thoroughgoing background check of criminal record and mental health status to be required before anyone is allowed to be a young man. A national masculine immaturity database will be created.

• A longer young man waiting period. The current waiting period of between 14 and 18 years (varying according to state laws) will be extended and made uniform nationwide so that the young are not legally men until 40. This will help prevent impulsive use of manhood by youths.
• The banning of concealed young men, especially if they are concealed behind Tea Party protest placards or anonymous antigovernment Internet postings. Likewise, sawed-off young men who tend to be more aggressive than their taller contemporaries; rapid-fire young men who talk back to teachers, guidance counselors, and other role model adults, and young men of the “fully automatic” type, who never need to be reminded to study, help with housework, or volunteer in their communities, and who seem so well adjusted until they plant a bomb in their high school.

Go. Read. Laugh a bit.

*BCPGV = Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence

*WAYM = Writers Against Young Men

Dave Barry’s Take on 2010

He does a good job of it. A few samples:

Elsewhere on the disaster scene, Iceland’s Eyjafjallajökull (literally, “many syllables”) volcano erupts, sending huge clouds of ash into the atmosphere and forcing airlines throughout northern Europe to ground all flights. Greece, although not directly affected, announces that it will take six months off, just in case; France, as an added precaution, surrenders.

In domestic news, Arizona passes a controversial new law designed to crack down on illegal immigrants; this draws a sharp rebuke from the Mexican government, currently headquartered in Tucson.

[…]

On the terror front, New York City police, alerted by Times Square street vendors, discover a smoking SUV packed with explosives — a violation of many city ordinances, including the ban on smoking. Fortunately, the car bomb is disarmed, and a suspect is later captured at Kennedy Airport by sharp-eyed TSA officers trained to spot suspicious behavior.

Ha ha! Just kidding, of course. The suspect is captured by U.S. Customs agents at the last minute after boarding a Dubai-bound plane filled with passengers who, like the suspect, had all been carefully screened by the TSA to make sure they were not carrying more than three ounces of shampoo.

Anyway, go read it all. And be grateful Dave isn’t Greek. At least, I think he’s not Greek. Not that there is anything wrong with being Greek. Some of the world’s best philosophers were Greek. Ahhh . . . . just go to bed.

Let’s Hear it for Baseball Bat Amnesty

From the little city that could:

Omaha police will hold a gun amnesty day next month.

Omaha Police Chief Alex Hayes told Omaha television station KMTV about the June 12 event during the station’s “war on crime” town hall meeting held in Omaha this week.

But what about “ice pick amnesty” or “automobile amnesty”? I’ve got it, let’s have “fist amnesty.” After that one, we won’t have to worry about anything, except the kick boxers.