Omaha police will hold a gun amnesty day next month.
Omaha Police Chief Alex Hayes told Omaha television station KMTV about the June 12 event during the station’s “war on crime” town hall meeting held in Omaha this week.
But what about “ice pick amnesty” or “automobile amnesty”? I’ve got it, let’s have “fist amnesty.” After that one, we won’t have to worry about anything, except the kick boxers.
Those borders around the sporting events that keep you from realizing the dream of going to a baseball game? Pffffft. SNEAK IN! And if any usher asks to see your ticket to the game, cry out, in a foreign language, that your CIVIL RIGHTS ARE BEING VIOLATED!!!
But it doesn’t end there. You sit in your seat and DEMAND that the people around you pay for your hot dogs and beer. And that line at the bathroom, the bathroom that is for paying customers, why just move to the head of that line, mister. As a guy who sneaked into the arena you have protection status! Moron.org has your back!
Furthermore, if you sneak in with your pregnant wife and she has a baby at the game – SEASON TICKET HOLDER! That’s right!
I think he’s got a point. Here is hoping that MLB and Bud Selig, et al can see it through the massive lens of political correctness which has been erected between them and the quintessential American sport.
No, not the car company. The other meaning of the word. Some things (such as Congress) do seem to be perpetually in motion:
In a bold move to lessen our dependence on traditional fuels and decrease carbon emissions, Congress voted to repeal an old Republican ban on perpetual motion machines, clearing the way for the development of self-propelled water wheels, self-flowing flasks, float belts, zeromotors, and other environmentally-friendly industrial equipment.
[...]
“Our intense collaboration with the scientific community has shown that a desired scientific consensus can be quickly achieved with correct redistribution of scientific grants,” Holdren said. “Likewise, any alternative technological solution can be just as quickly achieved through the government funding of the effort to raise public awareness of the need to fund alternative solutions.”
Leaders of the shrinking Republican opposition in Congress predictably tried to rewrite history by claiming there has never been a legal ban on perpetual motion machines, but rather a scientific proof of their impracticality. But champions of progress silenced the deniers with an irrefutable argument that many other things used to be impossible in the past – like spaceships, tractor beams, lightsabers, and medical marijuana – which are all realities today.
I trust you all know that the preceding was a well-written satire. That is, except for the parts that are true.
Glenn Reynolds provides a round-up of the violet protests taking place in Pittsburgh, site of the current G-20 summit:
“REMEMBER HOW WE HEARD ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THE ENTIRELY NONVIOLENT TEA PARTY PROTESTS? But will we hear the same clucking-of-tongues about the G20 riots?“
Here’s a picture from the scene:
I wonder if this is the escalating anti-government rhetoric which led to acts of violence that a choked-up Nancy Pelosi was afraid of.
At any rate, it is a good thing this wasn’t a Tea Party or something scary, like this, might have occurred:
It is common for most of us to rely outward appearances to differentiate between men and women. Apparently, in Saudi Arabia it is not enough that the women dress in head-to-toe drapes, they must also be properly identified as “female” in any captions. I came across the following while following a link to an article on Miss Moral Beauty.
It should go without saying that I’m not looking forward to seeing any of those male Saudi women (in Riyadh or anywhere else).
This just in from the Deadwood, SD bureau of the Constant Conservative:
July 16, 2009
With the probable passage of HR 1018 (AKA the “Horses are People, Too Act) it would appear that things on the western plains are about to take a big step backward. Though these days one is more likely to see four-wheelers moving cattle about in this part of the world than actual mustangs, the EPA and BLM (in conjunction with the HHA, VA, HUD and all other federal agencies containing horse-lovin’ bureaucrats) have determined that roughly 1/4th of South Dakota is to be set aside for the preservation and procreation of the wild American Mustang. This would cover most of what is commonly called “West River” outside of the reservations. (At present, it is not known if Mt. Rushmore would be included in this set-aside or if adding a horse’s head to the monument would suffice.)
Upon further questioning, this reporter was able to determine that just under 100% of the people who are planning to vote for this bill have never seen a live mustang in person. Nancy Pelosi, who stated that “for a disadvantaged portion of our population, this bill will be as essential as universal health care” mentioned that she had once seen some horses while she was touring the back lot of the studio which was filming “Brokebank Nation.” When asked if the bill meant that those horses might need to move to South Dakota, she replied that the horses would “only move to South Dakota if that was what was in the public interest.” When questioned further about whether this was not the same approach which was used in reference to American Indian populations of a century ago, she said something about it being totally different and besides horses had been treated unfairly for far longer.
Meanwhile, here in the western part of the state which was known back in about 1875 as a place to win it big in the gold rush, and once again just a few months ago as a place to win it big in Powerball, life continues as before. Some of the old-timers remember when there were quite a number of mustangs, but are also wondering just which areas are going to be designated for what the locals are calling the “horse reservation.” While Ted Turner is known to have quite a large tract of land (some 20,000 acres) this would hardly be enough to handle the government buildings which are expected to fill up with horse wranglers, horse doctors, horse shrinks, and just about every other kind of horse serviceperson, analyst and assistant one could think of.
In an effort to stop what will probably be the largest eminent domain action in the history of the United States, locals have started the NHIMBY (pronounced “neigh himby”) which stands for “No Horses in My Back Yard.” This organization, due to the power of the internet (and a cash infusion from Neal Wanless) has managed to grow to just over 13,000 members in the last 48 hours. ACORN was contacted to perform some canvassing in support of NHIMBY, but responded that since horses did not vote (no matter how much one watered or fed them) they were not really not interested.
The following video is brought to you in the interests of showing both sides of the story (with reference to those whose choice of employment places others’ lives and property at risk as a matter of course).
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Upon further questioning, this reporter was able to determine that just under 100% of the people who are planning to vote for this bill have never seen a live mustang in person. Nancy Pelosi, who stated that “for a disadvantaged portion of our population, this bill will be as essential as universal health care” mentioned that she had once seen some horses while she was touring the back lot of the studio which was filming “Brokebank Nation.” When asked if the bill meant that those horses might need to move to South Dakota, she replied that the horses would “only move to South Dakota if that was what was in the public interest.” When questioned further about whether this was not the same approach which was used in reference to American Indian populations of a century ago, she said something about it being totally different and besides horses had been treated unfairly for far longer.
