Constant Conservative

Like most humorists, Dave Barry can be an acquired taste. Suffice it to say that I’ve acquired it. I find his commentary to be both humorous and remarkably evenhanded. More than I can say for another humorist named Dave. Anyway, Dave has compiled his retrospective on 2008, which can be found here. Following are a few excerpts which I particularly appreciate:

There were a few days there in October when you could not completely rule out the possibility that the next Treasury secretary would be Joe the Plumber.

[...]

Abroad, Fidel Castro steps down after 49 years as president of Cuba, explaining that he wants to spend more time decomposing. In selecting his successor, the Cuban national assembly, after conducting an exhaustive nationwide search, selects Fidel’s brother, Raul, who narrowly edges out Dennis Kucinich.

[...]

the International Atomic Energy Agency releases a report stating that Iran is actively developing nuclear warheads. In response, Iran issues a statement asserting that (1) it absolutely is not developing nuclear warheads, and (2) these are peaceful warheads. The United States, the United Kingdom, Germany, France, Russia and China convene an emergency meeting, during which they manage, in heated negotiations, to talk France out of surrendering.

[...]

Congress passes, and Technically Still President Bush signs, the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008, and everyone heaves a sigh of relief as the economy stabilizes for approximately 2.7 seconds, after which it resumes going down the toilet. As world financial markets collapse like fraternity pledges at a keg party and banks fail around the world, the International Monetary Fund implements an emergency program under which anybody who opens a checking account anywhere on earth gets a free developing nation. But it is not enough; the financial system is in utter chaos. At one point, a teenage girl in Worcester, Mass., attempts to withdraw $25 from an ATM and winds up acquiring Wells Fargo.

[...]

But the economy remains the dominant issue, with retailers reporting weak holiday sales as many shoppers pass up pricier gifts such as jewelry and big-screen TVs in favor of toilet paper and jerky. As the year draws to a close, the president’s Council of Economic Advisers warns that the current recession “could spiral downward into a full-blown depression,” leaving the United States with “no viable economic option but to declare war on Japan.”

There are many many more things worth reading in Mr. Barry’s article. Go there and find your own favorites (or remind yourself why Dave is an acquired taste–it’s entirely up to you).